The Kamasutra is an ancient Hindu text composed by Vatsyayana. The Kamasutra is believed to be a manual of sexual intercourse positions by most western societies, but the Kamasutra is a guide that helps people to achieve moral and noble lifestyles. The text discusses the nature of love, family lifestyles, forms of marriage, duties of a wife, behavior a man and woman should exhibit, traits to consider when choosing a partner and ways to develop physical attraction (Doniger 2007:66).
Marriage is the union of two people as partners in a legal relationship recognized by law. According to Rig Veda, marriage is the union of a male to a female virgin of the same class system. When a female is married to a male of equal class, the Dharma and Artha are satisfied based on the holy writing. They will be blessed with offspring and everlasting love. A man must become responsible and find a girl who comes from a noble and respected family, whose parents are alive, and is two or three years younger than himself. The female virgin must come from wealth, well connected, have stable and firm relationships with relatives and friends, good health and all her overall self must be beautiful. The man should, of course, also possess these qualities that the female virgin has (Doniger 2007).
Book three of the Kamasutra text, named Virgins, emphasizes exclusively on marriage, how to create confidence in a girl, on courtship and the display of the feelings by gesture and signs, things to be done only by the man on the acquisition of the girl, what a girl should do to win over a man and make him subject to her and forms of marriage (Doniger and Sudhir 2002).
There are five chapters in the text, Virgins, which focuses on the aspects of marriage. These five chapters are: (1) Courting the girl, (2) Winning a virgin’s trust, (3) Making advances to a young girl, (4) Advances a man makes on his own, (5) Devious devices for weddings.
Courting the Girl
When a man decides to court a beautiful girl from a respectable, well-connected and wealthy family with lucky marks on her body who is in good health., he has acquired both Dharma and Artha (Doniger and Sudhir 75). His parents and friends helps him court the girl especially the mutual friends of both his parents. The male friends tend to point out faults about the girl’s other suitors, and boost their friend’s good qualities to please the girl’s parents especially the girl’s mother. His friends dress like a fortune teller, and declare the future good fortune and wealth of the couple by showing the existence of all the lucky omens and signs, the good influence of planets, the auspicious entrance of the sun into a sign of the Zodiac, propitious stars and fortunate marks on his body (Doniger and Sudhir 75). However, girls who are pregnant, have a disgusting name like the name of one of the twenty-seven stars, or the name of a tree, or of a river, and whose name ends in ‘r’ or ‘l (Doniger and Sudhir 76)., are sick, betrothed to another, sweat a lot and are pimply should be avoided. The girl’s family dresses her up elegantly to events during the time of courtship. The girl’s family receive the man’s family who has come to court her (Doniger and Sudhir 77). Both family come to decision on how long they will wait to test the working of fate from the gods before giving her away. A man must marry by a wedding in the way of Brahma.
Winning a Virgin’s Trust
The Kamasutra prescribes that after the first three nights of the marriage, the couple should sleep on the floor, refrain from any sexual union and not eat any food that has salt or spices. The next seven days, they bathe with musical instrument playing, dress well, eat together, go to events together and visit their relatives. This is required to persons of all class systems. On the tenth night, the husband can begin gentle advances towards his wife when they are alone at night, thereby creating confidence in the girl. Babhravya followers say that when the husband does not initiate talk for three days with her, she assumes he is spiritless like pillar and begins to despise him (Doniger and Sudhir 78). Vatsyayana advices that the husband should slowly seduce her to win her trust and create confidence in his wife, by not forcing her but by gentle persuasion (Doniger and Sudhir 78-79). The husband should use tactics which she would like and become more confident with him. These tactics are as follows (Doniger and Sudhir 79):
He should embrace her the way she likes but not make it last a long time.
He should start by embracing her with the upper part of his body because it easier. He can embrace in the light if she is older and they are familiar with one another, but embrace in the dark if she younger.
When his wife accepts the embrace, the man should put a betel leaf in her mouth and if she does not accept it, he should use appeasing words, promises, and kneeling at her feet to seduce her. He should then begin by giving her some soft kisses, without making a sound. He should then encourage her to talk and ask him questions, which he will pretend to not know or answer with a few words (Doniger and Sudhir 79). He should not scare her if she does not talk but keep asking her if she has any questions over again and over again in a sweet manner, and he should urge her to talk if she does not after that. When she pestered again, she should reply by shaking her head.
When he asks her if she wants him or not, she should remain silent for a long time and when at last importuned to reply, should give him a promising answer by a nod of her head. He could call in the favor of a female friend, who they both trust, to continue the conversation (Doniger and Sudhir 79). When she engages in putting in scented oil near him or ties it in his upper cloth after becoming accustomed to him without talking, the man should touch her young breasts. If she prevents him from doing this, he should tell to her, I will not do it again if you will embrace me (Doniger and Sudhir 80)., thereby causing her to embrace him. While embracing, he should caress her whole body tenderly to gain her consent and when she does not give consent, he can scare her by saying, I shall impress marks of my teeth and nails on your lips and breasts, and then make similar marks on my own body, and shall tell my friends that you did them. What will you say then (Doniger and Sudhir 80). By doing this, he seduces her to gain her trust. On the second and third night, there is increase with confidence and she begins to trust him more, he can then begin to engage more sexual intercourse with his wife. He demonstrates his love to her by promising to be faithful to her in the future, and that she should dismiss all her fears with respect to any rival women (Doniger and Sudhir 81). He then begins to enjoy her in a way that does not scare her.
Making Advances to a Young Girl
A man with no money, no opportunity, a neighbor, dependent on his family, seen as a child or a guest, should not court a virgin. He can court a virgin if she falls in love with him from childhood (Doniger and Sudhir 82). Only men living with their uncle’s can try to gain over uncle daughter or some other girl, even if she is promised to another. When a man has decided the girl, he wants to court, he begins by spending time with her and her friends. He pleases her by playing various games with her, buying her flowers, cooking meals for her and playing six pebbles. He must become kind to the daughter of the girl’s nurse to gain her trust because she can affect the union between him and the girl he loves. The daughter can also talk about his good qualities to the girl’s parents and relatives. He should work hard to grant the girl’s wishes and buy gifts for her, so she sees him as someone who would do anything for her in the future. These gifts can be given privately or publicly. His reason for giving her gifts in private, is the fear that parents of both of them might be displeased (Doniger and Sudhir 84). When her love for him grows, he should amaze her with magic tricks, storytelling, music, moonlight festival and gifts like jewelry. To inform the girl of his sexual experience, he teaches the daughter of the girl’s nurse the sixty-four means of pleasure practiced by men. He finds out if she has sensual feelings for him by observing her gestures and signals like: She never looks the man in the face and becomes embarrassed when she is looked at by him, show some parts of her body to him, speaks to her attendants in an unusual way to gain his attention when she is far away from him, talks to her lover’s friends, shows gentleness to his servants and being sad when any other suitor is mentioned by her parents (Doniger and Sudhir 85).
Advances a Man Makes on His Own
After gestures and signals have been displayed, the man should gain various ways to make advances towards her like:
He should initiate hand holding whenever they are playing a game, engage in touching embrace, and giving her pair of human being couples cut out of a leaf a tree (Doniger and Sudhir 86).
He should dive close to her when playing water sports and tell her about his beautiful dream about her, but using other women’s names.
He sits near her during events and caress her foot and whenever he gives anything to her or takes anything from her, he should show her by his gesture how much he loves her (Doniger and Sudhir 87).
When he comes to know the depth of her feelings for him, he should pretend to be ill and invite her to his house to talk, and tell her that only she can make the medicine for him and nobody else. This pretense must last three days and three nights during which whenever she comes to visit, they should have long discussions. After the girl if finally won over, he may begin to enjoy her fully. The daughter of the girl’s nurse, or a female friend in which she trusts, comes handy when the man does not know how make advances to the girl.
When a girl makes advances towards a man she loves, she does so visiting him regularly with her friends or the daughter of her nurse. She offers him flowers and perfumes, talk to him about his hobbies, she should take care of him and engage in talks about ways to win a girl love. When a girl offer herself because of love, she loses her self-respect and is rejected. She should only be kind to a man who wishes to court her, and she may change her demeanor towards him but oppose when he tries to kiss her or ask for sexual union. If he agrees to not urge her, it proves her lover is devoted to her and she tells him to marry her soon, so that she would give herself to him. She should tell friends that she trusts when she loses her virginity.
Devious devices for weddings
When a girl’s love is won over, the man should cause fire to be brought from the house of a Brahman and spread the kusha grass upon the ground and make an offering of oblations to the fire, then he can marry her according to the guidelines the religious law (Doniger and Sudhir 92). After doing this ritual, he can inform his parents and her parents. The relatives both the girl and man should become familiar of the affair and the girl relatives should be told in a way that allows the marriage, and they should be offered gifts. A man should marry the girl according Gandharva form of marriage (Doniger and Sudhir 92). When the girl cannot make up her mind to marry him, he must come up with ways to make her marry him. The following ways are:
Using her female friends who he trusts and her family trusts, ask them to bring the girl to his house surprisingly, and he would then bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as before described.
When the marriage of the girl to another suitor is drawing close, the man should mock the suitor’s future to the mother of the girl, and then have the girl to come to see him, with her mother’s consent, in a neighboring house, he would bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as above.
The man should form a bond with the girl’s brother and ask for his help and bribe him with gifts. He tells the brother about his love for his sister and since young men will do anything for a fellow man with the same age, the brother finds a way to bring his sister to some secure place, and the man will bring fire from the house of a Brahmin and proceed as before.
The man can give the daughter of the girl’s nurse, an alcoholic substance to give the girl, and then she will be brought under pretense to a secure place for business, and before she recovers from her woozy state, the man should bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as before.
The man should, with the help of the daughter of the nurse, take the girl away from her house while she is asleep, before she recovers from her sleep, the man should bring fire from the house of a Brahmin, and proceed as before.
When the girl visit some village in the neighborhood, the man should, with his friends, scare away her guards and forcibly carry her off, and proceed as before.
Doniger, Wendy (2002) “On the Kamasutra.” Daedalus 131:126-29.
Doniger, Wendy (2007) “Reading the “Kamasutra”: The Strange & the Familiar.” Daedalus
Sharma, Shailja (2002) “Kamasutra.” Counterpoints 169:103-07
Vatsyayana (2002) Kamasutra. Translated by Doniger Wendy and Sudhir Kakar. New York: Oxford University Press.
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Article written by: Trust In God Odudu (March 2017) who is solely responsible for its content.